We get access to elite knowledge not taught at any other school

English 101 is not English 101 at Harvard, Yale, or Princeton. Here at the Ivy League, we’re taught secret knowledge about grammar and sentence formation that you’re not taught at your B-school, which is any school that isn’t in the elite 8.


We can wear suits to lectures

Here at the Ivy League, we take our studies very seriously. Part of that seriousness requires dressing the part. It’s not frowned upon because our fellow classmates understand how rigorous some of our classes can get.


Our fraternities are a REAL brotherhood

You might catch one of our photo- shoots at the top of your newsfeed because that girl you really like liked our picture. We look entitled and charismatic because we went through a Navy Seal level-like training course to get where we are. We drink more than you, and we do it together, often. We’re psychologically stronger than you and you know why. We are bothers.


We are genetically superior

I’ve been to the so-called “10 College Campuses With The Hottest Girls” and it’s false lol. Trust me, our girls are hotter. I don’t have to elaborate on why because anyone who actually made it here understands why and B-school students wouldn’t get it.


We don’t get “internships” we get jobs

A favorable portion of us are already verbally committed to top firms like Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan midway through our undergraduate finance classes because they like our “win or die” mentality, not because our fathers are the ones hiring.


Our football pep rallies are NUTS

Alabama, Auburn, Ohio State, Florida, Notre Dame, Mississippi, Baylor, Oklahoma, Michigan, and Oregon do not compare to the rallies pre- Harvard vs. Yale or Princeton vs. Penn. They just don’t. It’s typically coined that we put academics first and athletics second but that’s not true because we’re the best at both. We don’t get the ESPN prime-time sports coverage because we don’t want the paparazzi that comes along with it.


Everyone wants to be us

Rankings matter, and we hold the top 8 slots. If we sense you’re not of Ivy decent we might call you out and ask what school you go to in front of our friends and your friends to get a response out of you. When you tell us a school that isn’t Ivy, we’ll pretend we didn’t hear you, forcing you to say it again to make you feel inferior. We will proceed to tell you “Everything is going to be ok” because we have the ability to do so.


We had to overcome serious life struggles

We in the elite 8 had to dig ourselves out of rough socioeconomic backgrounds and earn our stripes. Opposed to popular belief, we didn’t hire people to take us on bus tours for something to write about in our college essays. We didn’t fly out to Tanzania to build houses for a half hour, and we DEFINITELY didn’t take pre-PSAT exams.