July 18, 2014

Dear Diary,

Today was another glorious day in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and traitorous officials screaming from their dog bites. After lunch, I was entertained by yet another parade of my many soldiers.

While gazing out upon our wonderful military, I realized that the American capitalist pigs would stand no chance in a war against us.

While gazing out upon our wonderful military, I realized that the American capitalist pigs would stand no chance in a war against us.

 

July 28, 2014

Dear Diary,

Barack Obama and John Kerry have not yet returned my many calls. Are they ignoring me because I’m fat? Well today I plan on launching another rocket at them to get their attention.

This time, the rocket will actually make it outside of North Korean airspace.

August 3rd, 2014

Dear Diary,

Since President Obama enjoys playing basketball so much, I decided to invite him to play a one on one game of HORSE in Pyongyang. Of course, the Dear Leader need not dirty himself with any physical activity. I will have my best friend Dennis Rodman play in my stead.

With this game, I will prove the superiority of DPRK.

With this game, I will prove the superiority of DPRK.

August 8th, 2014

Dear Diary,

Why does no other world leader return my messages? I am the Supreme Leader of the greatest nation on Earth.

Don’t worry Diary, one day they will all respect me. EVERY. LAST. ONE OF THEM.

Don’t worry Diary, one day they will all respect me. EVERY. LAST. ONE OF THEM.

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