Because some people took this article seriously, let us make it clear that this is meant to mock the “war on women.” Do not take everything you read below as a serious argument. Have a nice day.

“Scott Walker has given women the back of his hand. I know that is stark. I know that is direct. But that is reality,”

After reading that quotation, most people would think it came from the mouth of a radical left wing feminist at a Wisconsin union rally. Unfortunately for the Democrats, that actually came from the head of their party, the great Debbie Wasserman Schultz, AKA Liberal Medusa. At worst, she falsely accused an innocent male of domestic violence. At best, she made light of a serious issue by dragging a man’s name through the mud.

In the recent midterm elections, Democrats got walloped by the American electorate. However, they got particularly hammered by men. The male vote went overwhelmingly for Republicans in congressional elections, by a margin of 57-41 according to CNN Exiting Polling (click on the “exit polls” tab). Republicans did lose the female vote, but by a smaller margin. Only by 4 points, versus the 16 points the Democrats lost men.

Perhaps Democrats should bring in some high level consultants to help their messaging to males, in the same way Republicans did for ‘the women vote,’ following the 2012 elections.

In an effort to reach across the aisle, allow me to pass along some free suggestions on winning back the male vote to the party of Jackson, Wilson, Carter, and Obama:

  • If you are an unemployed male college graduate, who is unable to move out of his parents’ home and become independent, or you are a working male who hasn’t gotten a raise in many years while trying to support a family, free birth control pills are the last thing on your mind.
  • Men respect strength and power. Therefore, a President who rides around in mom jeans, allowing dictators like Putin, Assad, and a spoiled little North Korean twerp to get the better of him, is not someone men would want leading the largest military in the world.
  • Guns are fun. A lot of fun. If one party keeps wanting to make it harder to own or use them, if not effectively ban them all together like in Chicago, you can expect most fun loving gun owners/hobbyists, most of whom are male, to not be too happy with said party. Don’t worry, you guys will still corner the elitist and irrationally scared Cambridge, Massachusetts housewife vote.

The environmental movement is many things. Masculine is not one of them. No, men do not want to bring their own bags to the supermarket. They do not want to pay higher prices for energy in order to feel better. And they certainly want to be in control of what light bulbs they purchase for their own home. As a general rule, men see good paying oil-related jobs as higher up on the list of priorities than saving a South American breed of turtle.

Finally, if you have a choice between lower taxes, and funding Planned Parenthood’s abortions, most men would probably choose the former. Democrats running on a platform of ever high taxes to pay for a failing welfare state, refusing to make even some small concessions on domestic spending, like cuts to Planned Parenthood, don’t exactly spark a desire among men to get out to the polls and vote blue.

If the DNC wants to higher me as a consultant, my rate is $500 per hour. Extra if I have to talk to Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid, or Patty Murray. I’m not a barbarian after all.